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I want to continue my story from the last but I will actually start from the beginning up till that point . . . . . . .

I was born into a loving family but my father was a work-aholic- never hardly home.. i was always with my mother no matter what i was doing or where i was going.. she took me everywhere.. we talked about everything.. i was never afraid to tell her anything. My father was a stern man.. never understanding, and never there when i needed him. When he showed up on my birthdays i felt like there was a stranger there.. i didnt know him well at all.. He never let us deprive from anything however. He always gave my mom money to buy us what we wanted no matter what it was.. but he never showed my sister and i the most important thing.. fatherly love.. i guess he didnt know how to be a father or what to do.. therefore he hid behind his work as an excuse. My mother was always into riding and showing horses. From day one i was riding and loved it completely. My sister however was not the type and would rather be putting on makeup or playing in the park. My mother never favored.. she love d us both individually and equally. My sister was older and i always found myself wanting to be her.. she always lit up the room when she walked in. I could tell my father favored her from how she looked so much like my mother.. and i always wondered why i looked niether of my father .. mother.. or anyone else in my family.. years went by and i became one of the best horsebackriders in the state- i was 10 years old and i won the Open jumpers out of 34 other competitors.. i think that will be one of the most memorable things in my life.. thats when i realized i am not a nobody.. i am someone.. someone people look up to. I had many friends from childhood but only one was my best.. I can recall the things we did together just like yesterday, most though we were sisters.. we looked so much alike, and our passion for horses seemed as if it would never burn out. At the age of thirteen i was invited by an Olympic trainer to ride for her - i had also qualified for the world champion ships!!! I just couldnt believe it. I called my best friend Shannon and told her all about it- she was thrilled as well because she was going to be showing in the Pony Club Rally in Lexington Kentucky the next week ! I was so excited and knew this was going to be one of the best times of my life. Shannon called me the next afternoon and asked if she could borrow one of my nice saddles to show in for the Rally- i surely agreed and told her i would meet her at a local fun horseshow often held on friday nights. The next after noon i cleaned the saddle i told her she could use and my mother took me to the horseshow. I unloaded my horses and waited.. and waited..yet waited more.. then my mother recieved a call on her cell phone.. i thought it was Shannon and i told mom to tell Shannon to hurry.. that the horseshow was about to start. Her face soon turned into shock and fear.. i knew something was wrong. She hung up the phone and turned me with the most simpathetic yet scared look i had ever seen upon my own mothers face.. her voice turned into a sad whisper.. she said to me .. “Shannon was leaving the practice barn from practicing for Rally for next week..and her father pulled over the railroad tracks and a train struck them tearing the horsetrailer and truck apart tossing them and landing far away.” I was so full of shock and wanted to know if she was ok .. she just looked at the dirt then looked back at me and she said .. “No honey.. shes dead.. she was killed on impact.” Those words choked me from breath. I couldnt stand.. i fell to my knees and then sat down in shock. My best friend of 9 years was dead.. the only one i had and trusted to anything. My riding companion i wanted to know for life.. she was gone.. forever..

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Three years ago my father bought a computer for the family after the horrible death of my mother.. she died in my arms. I began to spend some time online and found it kept my mind busy so i wouldn’t have to remember the tough heartache i suffer from missing my mom. Three months after being online i started to interact with people.. going to chat room etc.. , after a month of chat rooms I met a guy that would forever change my life. We began talking when I came home from school everyday and often I would anticipate and couldn’t wait till i got home so I could talk to him. Time went by and our friendly relationship turned into more.. a loving relationship. We began to tell things about each other .. our deepest darkest secrets. He send me a picture of himself and i return with one. We fell in love with each others images and personalities . Eight months later we began talking on the phone. He was quite a polite young man (age of 18) and very intelligent. He was foreign (Ukrainian/Russian) and the accent sure made me even more enjoy conversation with him. He was always so sweet and put my thoughts and feelings before his. After even more time our goodbyes’ turned into “I love yous”. I was falling in love with a man yet i have never met.. i had fallen in love with his personality and who he was inside. One year later my father bought me a web cam and I was so thrilled. I then cammed for the first time with the man I was so in love with. He always called me an angel .. but after he saw me on cam and heard me talk through the mic.. he began calling me his love. I felt real special at that point knowing maybe someone out there really cared about how I felt inside. Our conversations became even more deeper.. talking about what each other wanted and desired in life. What kind of marriage we wanted and what activities, work we would increase in our lives. We later decided we would meet very soon when he had a break from college. One day I got online (in fact it was Dec. 18th 2002). And he wasn’t the same person as he had been for the three years i had known him. He was troubled.. had no self esteem and confused. I was willing to stand by his side.. but he told me “im not sure if i love you .. were to different”.. those words felt like he had ripped my heart out and shred it with his bare hands. I became so involved.. and in the end I am torn by severe heartache. I was in love with this mans personality and who he was. At that point i wouldn’t have cared if he was even severely overweight!! I couldn’t ever thing about anything but him. I guess it serves me right for getting too involved with someone so far away. I hope no one else has to experienced the hurt it can cause you. Though i am sure many of you have. Now i am a single 17 year old white female living in Mississippi, a broken heart. . and no idea how to begin getting over him.
I appreciate your reading of my story.

-Shannyn, 17, MS

My mother warned me about him. I was 15. I was dumb. I didn’t listen. I told her she didn’t know what she was talking about. I loved him. He was perfect. There was nothing wrong with him. He was my everything. He lived 40 minutes from my house. I didn’t drive. My mother wouldn’t let me see him. He stole his parent’s car to see me. He didn’t have his license. I was so happy when I was with him. I was depressed when I wasn’t with him. I was obsessed. We weren’t going to have sex until marriage. We were getting married when I graduated.

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It started as a boring night in our town as usual, the girls; Jess*, Madison*, Elizabeth* and I were decked out in our scrubs driving around town. A friend of ours from Smithfield* (our town’s biggest rival) called and we decided to meet up at Stop n Shop. The girls and I were standing around talking to the 5 guys; Matt, Sam, Jared, Travis and Mike from Smithfield*. When some guys from our hometown showed up and made a phone call to a kid that liked Jess. Steve who likes Jess tends to be extremely jealous, and came driving into the parking lot way to fast, and drunk. He hit Matt’s car and did not bother to stop. Matt was very angry and wanted Steve to get back to the parking lot so that things could be settled. After several calls from our cell phones and much yelling, Steve never came back to the parking lot. The girls and I parted ways with the guys but throughout the night we continued to meet up at random times.

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In our society, alcohol use is common, and a social drink on occasion is little cause for concern. However, when alcohol use becomes excessive, and interferes with family, school or job performance, finances or health, a person may be suffering from alcoholism. This is a progressive disease. If untreated, it can lead to physical and mental problems, and even death. Admitting there may be a problem is the first step. Then, seeking the help of professional, the individual, family and friends, can begin the process of recovery. If you suspect you have a problem, or someone you know appears to be suffering from substance abuse, call for help.

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Hello,

I am a 13 year old girl…I have very many good friends, a loving big sister who’s 38 years old, a mom and a dad. I recently moved from a very bad part of Oakland to a nice, calm town here in California. I made a friend named Sam. She showed me around everywhere and introduced me to people…shes such a great friend. Now she has moved but i saw her earlier today…we see each other a lot. The point is, I was doing very well as a 7th grader to a new school. But on November the 9th, 2001, my life was changed. My best friend in the world, Anna, was dead. I lost her to suicide. We had known each other since we were 2 and a half. I had earlier in my life been in a state of depression, and with her death it returned. First, I worried about my weight. I got lost in a world of thinness…I thought “just for a few days.” It hadnt gotten too bad when my friend Tara realised what was going on. She went to a friend of hers, Elena, who she thought could help me. And she did. It worked for a fair amount of time…she gave a talk and helped me understand it was a bad thing. But I was stupid. I still wanted to loose weight, and the cycle repeated three times. Finally, it ended. Not for good, but long enough for something else to happen to me. With my depression…i found a way to, umm, “ease” the pain. Slitting my wrists and legs. My right leg is scarred pretty bad now, and my left wrist, too. I didnt understand what I was doing to myself. Once again, Elena was there for me. She talked to me about it…and it worked. Not immediatly, but after after a week or so her words came back to me. For weeks I was six feet from suicide. AGAIN, Elena was there.

She told me that she would keep trying to help, but that in the end the only person who could really help me was me. And now her words make perfect sense, though back then they went into my head blurry and hidden.I was bulimic for a while. I am trying to end that now. I dont do it anymore…i hadnt for months when i did it the day before yesterday and yesterday. But im trying to stop.

The point is i dont want you to do this to yourself. Cya.

-anonymous, 13, CA

I guess it all started when I looked in the mirror. I’d lift up my shirt and see how skinny and flat my stomach was. If I wasn’t satisfied, I’d cry myself to sleep or exercise for a while thereafter. Eventually I resorted to purging after each meal. It started once or twice a day, but eventually it grew to 20 times a day, or 3 sets of 20 purges a day. I would go to extreme measures to hide the fact, like turning on the shower or throwing up in the woods. I would exercise for hours on end, mercilessly running, hurling, jumping, punching, doing crunches, weight lifting, etc. It was an addiction of mine. I had to go to a shrink whom I really didn’t like. Then I had to go to a clinic for 3 nights a week, 4 hours each night for 3 or 4 months. Then I eventually resorted to not eating virtually at all and just watched my body shrink. My bones stuck out so much that I couldn’t even sit down in the bathtub. My family and friends were so concerned for me, but i didn’t care. Then I went to another counselor who betrayed me and eventually they put me on Prozac and Zoloft. I developed seizures from the Prozac shortly after I was hospitalized in Philadelphia. After 3 weeks there, I came home and was doing better. Every now and then I’d have a slip up. I ran away from home 2 times, cut myself and burned myself repeatedly. I withdrew socially and developed a shell around me. Through prayer, faith, endurance, hope, my religion, and a good attitude, I made it through and have never been happier than I am today. I weigh now almost 40 pounds heavier than I did at my lowest weight and people say that I’ve never looked better.

-anonymous, 16, CT