Beat Depression

Three years ago my father bought a computer for the family after the horrible death of my mother.. she died in my arms. I began to spend some time online and found it kept my mind busy so i wouldn’t have to remember the tough heartache i suffer from missing my mom. Three months after being online i started to interact with people.. going to chat room etc.. , after a month of chat rooms I met a guy that would forever change my life. We began talking when I came home from school everyday and often I would anticipate and couldn’t wait till i got home so I could talk to him. Time went by and our friendly relationship turned into more.. a loving relationship. We began to tell things about each other .. our deepest darkest secrets. He send me a picture of himself and i return with one. We fell in love with each others images and personalities . Eight months later we began talking on the phone. He was quite a polite young man (age of 18) and very intelligent. He was foreign (Ukrainian/Russian) and the accent sure made me even more enjoy conversation with him. He was always so sweet and put my thoughts and feelings before his. After even more time our goodbyes’ turned into “I love yous”. I was falling in love with a man yet i have never met.. i had fallen in love with his personality and who he was inside. One year later my father bought me a web cam and I was so thrilled. I then cammed for the first time with the man I was so in love with. He always called me an angel .. but after he saw me on cam and heard me talk through the mic.. he began calling me his love. I felt real special at that point knowing maybe someone out there really cared about how I felt inside. Our conversations became even more deeper.. talking about what each other wanted and desired in life. What kind of marriage we wanted and what activities, work we would increase in our lives. We later decided we would meet very soon when he had a break from college. One day I got online (in fact it was Dec. 18th 2002). And he wasn’t the same person as he had been for the three years i had known him. He was troubled.. had no self esteem and confused. I was willing to stand by his side.. but he told me “im not sure if i love you .. were to different”.. those words felt like he had ripped my heart out and shred it with his bare hands. I became so involved.. and in the end I am torn by severe heartache. I was in love with this mans personality and who he was. At that point i wouldn’t have cared if he was even severely overweight!! I couldn’t ever thing about anything but him. I guess it serves me right for getting too involved with someone so far away. I hope no one else has to experienced the hurt it can cause you. Though i am sure many of you have. Now i am a single 17 year old white female living in Mississippi, a broken heart. . and no idea how to begin getting over him.
I appreciate your reading of my story.

-Shannyn, 17, MS